I sooooooo relate to the tentative search for friends trying to tamp down expectations. Who to invite, what to serve, how long should they stay, what’s next in the relationship, should we invite them again or wait for them yo invite us, what if they don’t…?
Here in Madrid cocktails begin at 9:00 or 9:30, then dinner around 10:30/11:00 and they’re on the road by 1:00. All doable just different. And late.
But then we learned that when Spaniards get together they go out with each other to a bar or restaurant, not have friends into their homes. Whereas in the states, being invited to someone’s home is a big honor - you’ve really made it. Anyone can go out.
But those we have invited over were thrilled and grateful for the invitation. And we were delighted to be hosts to our potential new friends.
Another large difference between here and the states is the reception from the neighbors. In Washington, DC, neighbors brought us food, wine, and flowers and invited us in to see their neighboring apartments. We’ve been here a year and no one has done anything like that. If new neighbors move in, we’re going to carry out the American way of doing things.
Ahh, these cultural differences can be so nuanced. One of my friends who has lived and worked in many different parts of the world says that the practice of inviting people over and then showing them around the house (the ‘house tour’) seems particularly American.
I wonder if these differences also have to do with urban living spaces often being smaller, so having people over is tricky. Plus I know from our experience living in Lyon, France, when you go to a restaurant, the table was yours for the evening; there was no expectation of turning the table within 90-120 minutes which is often the case in US restaurants. So eating out, in France anyway, is very relaxed with no pressure to keep spending money or move along.
But I think you should do what is most comfortable for you! I know that you are sensitive and curious about other people and their particular cultural context, so you won’t be trampling on any toes, ever. And I’m happy to have drinks and eat at an earlier hour when we finally get to visit your Madrid home!
When we shapeshifted into Sebastopol we didn't think of it as moving ... we were just "working on the rental house". Except the project was so big, and we were always there, and it was overwhelming to constantly be on a worksite, isolated. So we'd say hi, they'd say hi and once in awhile we'd walk them through the developing building. EVERYONE is curious about big projects it seems.
One thing lead to another- we were discovering personal interests and skills, sharing books and always in the fall sharing apples. How could we not? We were inundated with apples in the fall. so there we were, tiptoeing into developing new friendships. it was a seductive process, making friends when you'd only hoped for acquaintances. And that lead to staying in the rental for longer periods. Which made it an attractive hidden-hole during covid. Which made it our probable final resting spot in the housing market.
Funny how those life changes creep up on you! You have created magical spaces in both your locations; so much hard work and love shines through. And your gardens draw people in like honey! Glad you are finding your home in a most organic way.
Such a delightful post, Sabrina - I loved reading about those 'first-date' nerves, and I'm glad you had such a nice time with your new neighbours. Great to be maintaining a lovely friendship with your previous ones, too.
I thought of you on Sunday, actually - we were on a whistle-stop work trip to your beautiful island! 9am boat out, 1pm boat back. It was pretty grey and wet, but we were relieved that the Solent was more millpond than stormy waters - I think we got off lightly on that score!
Thanks Rebecca! And glad it was calm waters for you on Sunday-we were actually sitting next to Fishbourne Ferry terminal for lunch, so perhaps we saw you, not knowing! Looking forward to checking out your letters too...
Wow, we are very likely to have passed each other! We'd been booked on the 5pm boat, and had to pull up for 10 minutes just after the check-in kiosk to call Customer Services to beg for a slot on the 1pm crossing instead (the chap at the kiosk couldn't do that so far in advance of our original crossing time). So I just wonder if you saw our grey VW camper lurking suspiciously....!
I sooooooo relate to the tentative search for friends trying to tamp down expectations. Who to invite, what to serve, how long should they stay, what’s next in the relationship, should we invite them again or wait for them yo invite us, what if they don’t…?
Here in Madrid cocktails begin at 9:00 or 9:30, then dinner around 10:30/11:00 and they’re on the road by 1:00. All doable just different. And late.
But then we learned that when Spaniards get together they go out with each other to a bar or restaurant, not have friends into their homes. Whereas in the states, being invited to someone’s home is a big honor - you’ve really made it. Anyone can go out.
But those we have invited over were thrilled and grateful for the invitation. And we were delighted to be hosts to our potential new friends.
Another large difference between here and the states is the reception from the neighbors. In Washington, DC, neighbors brought us food, wine, and flowers and invited us in to see their neighboring apartments. We’ve been here a year and no one has done anything like that. If new neighbors move in, we’re going to carry out the American way of doing things.
Ahh, these cultural differences can be so nuanced. One of my friends who has lived and worked in many different parts of the world says that the practice of inviting people over and then showing them around the house (the ‘house tour’) seems particularly American.
I wonder if these differences also have to do with urban living spaces often being smaller, so having people over is tricky. Plus I know from our experience living in Lyon, France, when you go to a restaurant, the table was yours for the evening; there was no expectation of turning the table within 90-120 minutes which is often the case in US restaurants. So eating out, in France anyway, is very relaxed with no pressure to keep spending money or move along.
But I think you should do what is most comfortable for you! I know that you are sensitive and curious about other people and their particular cultural context, so you won’t be trampling on any toes, ever. And I’m happy to have drinks and eat at an earlier hour when we finally get to visit your Madrid home!
When we shapeshifted into Sebastopol we didn't think of it as moving ... we were just "working on the rental house". Except the project was so big, and we were always there, and it was overwhelming to constantly be on a worksite, isolated. So we'd say hi, they'd say hi and once in awhile we'd walk them through the developing building. EVERYONE is curious about big projects it seems.
One thing lead to another- we were discovering personal interests and skills, sharing books and always in the fall sharing apples. How could we not? We were inundated with apples in the fall. so there we were, tiptoeing into developing new friendships. it was a seductive process, making friends when you'd only hoped for acquaintances. And that lead to staying in the rental for longer periods. Which made it an attractive hidden-hole during covid. Which made it our probable final resting spot in the housing market.
Funny how those life changes creep up on you! You have created magical spaces in both your locations; so much hard work and love shines through. And your gardens draw people in like honey! Glad you are finding your home in a most organic way.
Such a delightful post, Sabrina - I loved reading about those 'first-date' nerves, and I'm glad you had such a nice time with your new neighbours. Great to be maintaining a lovely friendship with your previous ones, too.
I thought of you on Sunday, actually - we were on a whistle-stop work trip to your beautiful island! 9am boat out, 1pm boat back. It was pretty grey and wet, but we were relieved that the Solent was more millpond than stormy waters - I think we got off lightly on that score!
Thanks Rebecca! And glad it was calm waters for you on Sunday-we were actually sitting next to Fishbourne Ferry terminal for lunch, so perhaps we saw you, not knowing! Looking forward to checking out your letters too...
Wow, we are very likely to have passed each other! We'd been booked on the 5pm boat, and had to pull up for 10 minutes just after the check-in kiosk to call Customer Services to beg for a slot on the 1pm crossing instead (the chap at the kiosk couldn't do that so far in advance of our original crossing time). So I just wonder if you saw our grey VW camper lurking suspiciously....!