As I have aged, I have reflected on my oldest friendships, still valuing them despite the decades of rust that have intervened between (what has in most cases been) our spatially disparate lives. My attempts to reconnect with these old friends have sometimes led to disappointment, due to an asymmetry in our desires to reconnect, but in most others to a happy success.
Your line, "It turns out we are not the reliable friends you can count on to be there for you" made me think about my several friends in the "here and now." Each of them disappoints me at times, in certain small ways. This line of thought immediately makes me acknowledge to myself that I must fall short of their expectations, too. So, while I can, I treasure their company and kindnesses, letting the small stuff brush on by, and hope that they will do the same for me.
Thank you for sharing your thoughtful musings. This is why I find the nature of friendship such an endlessly fertile ground for pondering! I appreciate your self-reflection about the nature of your current friendships, which can be difficult to do. Your generous nature will have served you well up to now, I am sure, as it will continue.
Friends and acquaintances run the gamut, so trying our best with each one as they come in and out of our lives is all we can do. This last bit sounds very vague and touchy feely—gah, apologies!
I can relate to so many thoughts in this post. In a new place without many friends, I long to call someone and say "Let's go to the movies," "How about a drink?" Or that someone who needs some help would call me and ask for it. I long for a hug from a great woman friend as we set off on a morning or afternoon adventure. That yearning has changed slowly as I find a few solid friends with whom I can do that. One is Jayne. A gift! I have my former Spanish teacher whom I adore and another friend, Stacy, also an American. She and I go on lengthy walks in Parque Retiro and talk about nearly everything.
I feel so lucky these ladies walked into my life. I wasn't even making an effort to find new friends. To me, that's a lesson. They will come at the right time and they will be the right people. I have to count on that.
I am also blessed, like you are, to have so many rock solid friends from our childhood. We stand by each other through thick and thin no matter how far away from each other we are. We know we love each other to the core. I'm extraordinarily grateful for those women.
One gift from Covid is that we have a new understanding of how to communicate with each other and various platforms to do it if we're not together. There's no substitute for talking in person and seeing each other's day-to-day lives through movies, hikes, walks, food, grocery shopping, and anything else but when we can't do that, we share a virtual hug and love.
Yes! A hug! I was just thinking about that! It is a thing I really miss at times. Luckily we see Pete's sister and brother in law often and they are great huggers. And I agree with you about Jayne. I am going to get on a plane very soon so I can catch up with you both. I'm so glad you have found your handful of great local ladies. And thank you for the reminder that the right people will show up when we need them. I'm manifesting as we write! 🤗
And like you, I am ever grateful for the tools that allow us to keep in touch with lifelong besties as well as the lovely ones we've met along our winding roads. It is a gift. And a vital supplement to the in-person meetings we still crave.
Mind you, it helps to be an introvert so that having friends to walk with or have coffee with is sometimes an anathema. Solitude however, or the company of a dog, is perfection.
The pundits say that you can count your mopst meaningful friends on the finger of one hand and I find that to be true. One goes back 50 plus years, but the others are relatively new and the latter ones came from joining a like-minded group. But I perhaps have only three people in my life I REALLY love and trust enough for them to know me warts and all. Happy with that.
People change, we change. Sometimes we don't read people well and those we thought were nice are in fact not. That's okay - I can be philosophical about it at my age. In the end, one has to be complete inside, content with oneself and what one wants from life - friends don't create the happiness, they are merely part of it.
If it's more friends one wants in life, then that's okay but if not, that's perfectly fine as well.
I absolutely agree with your characterisations of the meaningful friends. And also that many of one's friends come and go over life's decades. It took me awhile to accept that, but I recognise it now and try to cling less and accept more. As I have said so many times. I absolutely adore and value the true friends I have in my life. And also, I am perfectly happy being alone too. I always have been, and have spent many years on my own.
My yearning comes from the post Covid world where we have all hunkered down and minimised opportunities to have pleasant conversations and interactions that are more than one-offs, but not full friendships.
And I am speaking fully about myself here, that my introvert tendencies were counteracted for decades by working in offices, so that when I started working from home (a few years before Covid) I learned that I needed to get out of the house a few times a week to work somewhere else for my mental health and also for my work connection skills. It was a good balance. Then Covid, and we perfected the skill of living without contact. Groceries were delivered, all meetings were online, walks with only your partner, and a few limited chats to the neighbours.
Then we moved to a new place entirely, and I realised I didn't have the energy or perhaps even the interest to start the long process of meeting new people all over again. So I didn't. And now here I am am complaining that I don't know anyone. Ha! All a result of my own making. So my essay was really a little lecture to myself that if I want a few more casual acquaintances, I have to do the work to develop them. But close, dear friends, well, I have more than anyone deserves. ❤️
I agree that for many Covid isolation was an awful situation. For me it was situation normal. I also rmember the effort of making friends when we moved constantly for my husband's employment. In the end I couldn't be bothered because I was busy rearing children.
But then they reached teenage years and I accomplished social interaction by becoming a volunteer in a couple of chosen charities. It was fulfilling at the time. Playing tennis weekly as well. Returning to horse-riding. Ultimately and most meaningfully, ballet. Each have given a gloss to friendship.
I think I'm lucky that all my family (and close friends) live on our little island. For you it's much harder as you are split down the middle. I remember that longing when we lived interstate. It coloured everything and for me, there was no real resolution until we moved back to the island. That and always having a dog...
Your dog! Love that! Lengthy travel means no dog for us, very sadly. Although we do tend to stay with friends who have dogs as much as possible! We love all the cuddles. And thanks for your always wise reflections. ❤️
Wishing you friends and friendships of all shapes, sizes and lengths, Sabrina. And I'm absolutely sure, despite your lifestyle that you aren't a bad friend! As you can imagine, a lot of this resonated with me. Especially this: 'the casual, go for a coffee or a walk friend'. I have had those, have those, but they come and go and sometimes you get weary of the recruitment process, if I may put it like that 😅 But I've found there are peaks and troughs, like with many things in life ❤️
Thanks very much Jayne! You are so right about the peaks and troughs. Sometimes I am perfectly content with how things are and feel completely blessed with my life. And other times I winge a bit too much. Maybe it is due to the increasing darkness this time of year that my body is fighting back a little by seeking out the light of pleasant conversations. And of course all solutions are within my control-I just need to fight the inertia 😉. I love the phrase 'recruitment process'- that is perfect!
What a lovely way to put it - ‘the light of pleasant conversation’. It definitely does illuminate our lives in many ways. I have to admit to also enjoying a bit of a moan from time to time too though 🤭
As I have aged, I have reflected on my oldest friendships, still valuing them despite the decades of rust that have intervened between (what has in most cases been) our spatially disparate lives. My attempts to reconnect with these old friends have sometimes led to disappointment, due to an asymmetry in our desires to reconnect, but in most others to a happy success.
Your line, "It turns out we are not the reliable friends you can count on to be there for you" made me think about my several friends in the "here and now." Each of them disappoints me at times, in certain small ways. This line of thought immediately makes me acknowledge to myself that I must fall short of their expectations, too. So, while I can, I treasure their company and kindnesses, letting the small stuff brush on by, and hope that they will do the same for me.
Thanks for stimulating these thoughts!
Thank you for sharing your thoughtful musings. This is why I find the nature of friendship such an endlessly fertile ground for pondering! I appreciate your self-reflection about the nature of your current friendships, which can be difficult to do. Your generous nature will have served you well up to now, I am sure, as it will continue.
Friends and acquaintances run the gamut, so trying our best with each one as they come in and out of our lives is all we can do. This last bit sounds very vague and touchy feely—gah, apologies!
I can relate to so many thoughts in this post. In a new place without many friends, I long to call someone and say "Let's go to the movies," "How about a drink?" Or that someone who needs some help would call me and ask for it. I long for a hug from a great woman friend as we set off on a morning or afternoon adventure. That yearning has changed slowly as I find a few solid friends with whom I can do that. One is Jayne. A gift! I have my former Spanish teacher whom I adore and another friend, Stacy, also an American. She and I go on lengthy walks in Parque Retiro and talk about nearly everything.
I feel so lucky these ladies walked into my life. I wasn't even making an effort to find new friends. To me, that's a lesson. They will come at the right time and they will be the right people. I have to count on that.
I am also blessed, like you are, to have so many rock solid friends from our childhood. We stand by each other through thick and thin no matter how far away from each other we are. We know we love each other to the core. I'm extraordinarily grateful for those women.
One gift from Covid is that we have a new understanding of how to communicate with each other and various platforms to do it if we're not together. There's no substitute for talking in person and seeing each other's day-to-day lives through movies, hikes, walks, food, grocery shopping, and anything else but when we can't do that, we share a virtual hug and love.
Lovely post again. Thank you.
Yes! A hug! I was just thinking about that! It is a thing I really miss at times. Luckily we see Pete's sister and brother in law often and they are great huggers. And I agree with you about Jayne. I am going to get on a plane very soon so I can catch up with you both. I'm so glad you have found your handful of great local ladies. And thank you for the reminder that the right people will show up when we need them. I'm manifesting as we write! 🤗
And like you, I am ever grateful for the tools that allow us to keep in touch with lifelong besties as well as the lovely ones we've met along our winding roads. It is a gift. And a vital supplement to the in-person meetings we still crave.
Thanks so much for your comments and wisdom. ❤️
You are welcome to visit anytime. We’ll make a plan for real life hugs and many of them.
I would agree with Jayne.
Mind you, it helps to be an introvert so that having friends to walk with or have coffee with is sometimes an anathema. Solitude however, or the company of a dog, is perfection.
The pundits say that you can count your mopst meaningful friends on the finger of one hand and I find that to be true. One goes back 50 plus years, but the others are relatively new and the latter ones came from joining a like-minded group. But I perhaps have only three people in my life I REALLY love and trust enough for them to know me warts and all. Happy with that.
People change, we change. Sometimes we don't read people well and those we thought were nice are in fact not. That's okay - I can be philosophical about it at my age. In the end, one has to be complete inside, content with oneself and what one wants from life - friends don't create the happiness, they are merely part of it.
If it's more friends one wants in life, then that's okay but if not, that's perfectly fine as well.
I absolutely agree with your characterisations of the meaningful friends. And also that many of one's friends come and go over life's decades. It took me awhile to accept that, but I recognise it now and try to cling less and accept more. As I have said so many times. I absolutely adore and value the true friends I have in my life. And also, I am perfectly happy being alone too. I always have been, and have spent many years on my own.
My yearning comes from the post Covid world where we have all hunkered down and minimised opportunities to have pleasant conversations and interactions that are more than one-offs, but not full friendships.
And I am speaking fully about myself here, that my introvert tendencies were counteracted for decades by working in offices, so that when I started working from home (a few years before Covid) I learned that I needed to get out of the house a few times a week to work somewhere else for my mental health and also for my work connection skills. It was a good balance. Then Covid, and we perfected the skill of living without contact. Groceries were delivered, all meetings were online, walks with only your partner, and a few limited chats to the neighbours.
Then we moved to a new place entirely, and I realised I didn't have the energy or perhaps even the interest to start the long process of meeting new people all over again. So I didn't. And now here I am am complaining that I don't know anyone. Ha! All a result of my own making. So my essay was really a little lecture to myself that if I want a few more casual acquaintances, I have to do the work to develop them. But close, dear friends, well, I have more than anyone deserves. ❤️
I agree that for many Covid isolation was an awful situation. For me it was situation normal. I also rmember the effort of making friends when we moved constantly for my husband's employment. In the end I couldn't be bothered because I was busy rearing children.
But then they reached teenage years and I accomplished social interaction by becoming a volunteer in a couple of chosen charities. It was fulfilling at the time. Playing tennis weekly as well. Returning to horse-riding. Ultimately and most meaningfully, ballet. Each have given a gloss to friendship.
I think I'm lucky that all my family (and close friends) live on our little island. For you it's much harder as you are split down the middle. I remember that longing when we lived interstate. It coloured everything and for me, there was no real resolution until we moved back to the island. That and always having a dog...
XXXX
Your dog! Love that! Lengthy travel means no dog for us, very sadly. Although we do tend to stay with friends who have dogs as much as possible! We love all the cuddles. And thanks for your always wise reflections. ❤️
Wishing you friends and friendships of all shapes, sizes and lengths, Sabrina. And I'm absolutely sure, despite your lifestyle that you aren't a bad friend! As you can imagine, a lot of this resonated with me. Especially this: 'the casual, go for a coffee or a walk friend'. I have had those, have those, but they come and go and sometimes you get weary of the recruitment process, if I may put it like that 😅 But I've found there are peaks and troughs, like with many things in life ❤️
Thanks very much Jayne! You are so right about the peaks and troughs. Sometimes I am perfectly content with how things are and feel completely blessed with my life. And other times I winge a bit too much. Maybe it is due to the increasing darkness this time of year that my body is fighting back a little by seeking out the light of pleasant conversations. And of course all solutions are within my control-I just need to fight the inertia 😉. I love the phrase 'recruitment process'- that is perfect!
What a lovely way to put it - ‘the light of pleasant conversation’. It definitely does illuminate our lives in many ways. I have to admit to also enjoying a bit of a moan from time to time too though 🤭