Two countries, a common language?

You may have heard the saying attributed to George Bernard Shaw that “England and America are two countries separated by the same language”. I have been trying to bridge the subtle and not-so-subtle separation for the last dozen years living and working here in the UK. 

My first few years here, I was more amused learning the not-so-subtle language differences than challenged and frustrated. Many Americans have read a hundred English novels, have memorised all the quaint expressions used in ‘Notting Hill’ and ‘Monty Python’, and many of the words are spelled the same, except for the random extra ‘u’ and whole syllables thrown in to trick us, e.g., Leicester is pronounced ‘Les-ter’.  And of course by now most of us know many of the different words for the same items such as pram, brolly, and post in the UK, meaning baby stroller, umbrella, and mail, respectively, in the US. 

I still made silly mistakes even after living here for several years. For example, even though I knew the difference, I still got excited for a few moments when I was told our October Gin Club one year was fancy dress. I thought whoo-hoo I get to buy a pretty hat and lovely party dress. Of course I should have thought since it was October, maybe fancy dress meant something else? Then I remembered fancy dress is elaborate costume party dress, Halloween on steroids. NOT evening dresses and suits. 

And speaking of suits: Swimming costume (English) = bathing suits (US). Don’t make the silly mistake of thinking when you are told to bring your swimming costume that you need to figure out how to decorate whatever you swim in with waterproof decals and other funny accessories. And come to think of it, you’ll just be told to bring your cozzies. What? You can’t figure out cozzie is shorthand for swimming costume?

But beyond the more silly and easier to figure out word differences, there is the whole subtle world of work codes and behaviours to navigate. I am mainly talking about office/professional jobs where there are lots of unwritten rules and behaviours that you learn when you start working, usually when you are in your twenties. When you come to a new job later in life or from another culture (or both!), it is a minefield of trying to learn both the jargon and behaviour for that new workplace, as well as the unwritten rules that define the culture and help provide sideboards to the decisions that you make in your work many times a day. 

Some days are fine and you trundle along doing your work just like you always have. You think how cool is this that you are working in another country with interesting colleagues and challenges and smugly you think, I’ve got this. This is cool; I know what I am doing and I can do what I need to be productive and useful here. 

Then there are the other days, when a conversation takes a funny turn, and you think you might be understanding what the other person is saying, but you know from experience that in fact it very well may mean something completely different. And you have a tiny moment of panic and stomach tightening: what do they really mean, and should I ask to verify my understanding? Or maybe that day follows several others like that when you haven’t been quite sure if you understand what has been implied, and today you just don’t have the energy to try to figure it out AGAIN. It is exhausting and frustrating and demoralising all at once. You’re a grown-up ffs, you say to yourself, and why can’t you understand this nuance by now? There is also quite a bit of self-talk that can’t be printed.

It has been a lot of both these kinds of days this past decade. I have wonderful working days when I have enjoyed the variety of people and types of experiences that have come my way. I love meeting new people and learning how once familiar things get done in a very different way. But I have also had days (weeks?) when I wallowed in self-denigration for feeling so incompetent in trying to do my work. I feel as if I am in a foggy land where I just can’t navigate the simplest tasks. And days where I feel as if I can’t possibly communicate myself in any meaningful way.

I saw this table early in my time here and I laughed and thought that it must be really for those in more corporate jobs, and for more naive Americans. But in fact, it is a really useful guide to the way phrases are said and interpreted in the UK versus how US speakers talk and interpret language. Our habits are quite different and nuanced, and this naive direct-speaking American has really struggled to adjust to the UK indirect way of speaking and thinking. 

I confess I now ask a LOT of questions to be sure I understand what someone means when they say something. Over the years, my kind colleagues have (mostly) tolerated my endless questions, although I have pushed them all beyond polite limits. They will tell me ‘with the greatest respect’ my questions are ‘very interesting’….and now I know what they really mean. 

source: https://i.pinimg.com/originals/f8/8f/be/f88fbe9f84d2088621956becd1375f90.png