Home, but different
More travel tales, food, and unexpected dissonance
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This last week has been all about scales. I have been noticing the various scales of geographic features and of course weather. Also, the scale of conversations, of friendships and, also dear to my heart, the scale of place and what is home.
Don’t worry, I have no plans to tackle all of that today. I’m going to think about these ideas some more and get back to that another time. (If you have thoughts in the meantime, feel free to let me know!) Between musings about scale, this last week we have been traversing the state of California (big scale!), dodging epic rains (also big), and going for more very long walks (big!) in a small (!) city. I am about to go for another long flight (big scale!), and have been seeing friends and family these last few days as best I can.
There is so much to process when one is travelling: all the new things you see, smell, hear and feel each day overwhelm the senses that have their usual consistent day to day routine. In regular life, the kitchen in which you cook is the same, your bed is the same, the people you see, for the most part, are the same.
When you travel, all that baseline stuff is upended, and so the fun begins! You notice everything that is new, and since you are in a new place, pretty much EVERYTHING is new. You notice the crispness of the sheets, the density of the pillows, the quality of the air (is it more humid or dry, is it warmer, or cooler?), the light plays differently across the new landscape.
And oh the smells! Is it fresh and crisp, sultry and humid thick air that feels heavy, are there smells from a nearby kitchen wafting across your path, are the flowers blooming and scenting the air?
No matter what you are doing and where you are - even when you are back to a previous ‘home’ - everything is new again and you are wildly aware and alive. Every day seems much longer and the details pop out all day wherever you are. Whew!
Except. Except sometimes when you kind of shut down a little bit since you think you know what it is supposed to feel like, it is home again and you know this place, but of course time has moved on, people have moved on, and now there is something different. You can’t quite put your finger on it, exactly. It is just a slight dissonance. Soon the traveling brain, the curiosity kicks in again and wonders what exactly is different and what caused it? Is it me? Is it that over the years since the last visit, everyone is different now, even if the setting is the same?
Strangely, at some point on this trip I noticed that I am not noticing the details as consistently, and I am not quite engaging fully with the place I am in. I am still not sure why. Fortunately I am mainly surrounded with friends and I spend my time with them and not going into sensory overload. I tune out the environment to some degree and focus on my people and our lives that need re-tuning to maintain our bonds from a lifetime of shared stories.
More to muse about in the coming weeks as I process all this after returning to my other home again today/tomorrow/feels like forever in an airplane!
How about you? What does it feel like to return home if you have moved away? Does it feel the same, different? Does it feel comfortable or strange? Do you revisit people you knew back then? How does that make you feel?
If you haven’t moved away, do you ever want to? What are the feelings about home that keep you there? What do you think people who move away from home are missing by not staying? Do you meet new people in your home town?
I’m so curious!!! And as always, thanks for reading!
xx Sabrina
I've only lived away from the Bay Area once - a year in Seattle. Coming back, I was shocked to see how dry the San Francisco area is - brown hills - golden if you want to be poetic. When I travel, the best part is returning to see the iconic views of home. I have the experience of seeing new and wonderful places but I get to come back to an area that is equally interesting.
Returning “home” to Germany always feels a bit strange. I’ve lived in the US for 27 years now, longer then I did in Germany - I have days were I feel I don’t fit in quite right in either place. It’s interesting. But I also fall right back into life there like no time has passed. Also interesting.